package mystuff; import java.util.Random; public class Guru { private static Random rr; private static final String[ ] Sayings = { "I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. ", "A man would prefer to come home to an unmade bed and a happy woman than to a neatly made bed and an angry woman. ", "If you want to know about a man you can find out an awful lot by looking at who he married. ", "When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ", "A good wife and health is a mans best wealth. ", "I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. ", "What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series. ", "The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him. ", "When a woman behaves like a man why doesn't she behave like a nice man? ", "It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? ", "Men are nicotine soaked, beer besmirched, whiskey greased, red-eyed devils. ", "I love the male body, it's better designed than the male mind. ", "Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly. ", "Women like silent men. They think they're listening. ", "Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely. ", "It is the woman who chooses the man who will choose her. ", "Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time. ", "The three sexes are men, women, and professors. ", "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. ", "Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender. ", "Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended. ", "When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. ", "A genius is one who can do anything except make a living. ", "One is not born a genius, one becomes a genius. ", "Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple. ", "Passion holds up the bottom of the universe and genius paints up its roof. ", "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. ", "The greatest genius will never be worth much if he pretends to draw exclusivel from his own resources. ", "Men give me credit for some genius. All the genius I have is this. Whe I have a subject in mind. I study it profoundly. Day and night it is before me. My mind becomes pervaded with it... the effort which I have made is what people are pleased to call the fruit of genius. It is the fruit of labor and thought. ", "The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. ", "The real people of genius were resolute workers not idle dreamers. ", "Every person of genius is considerably helped by being dead. ", "Genius is essentially creative; it bears the stamp of the individual who possesses it. ", "It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing. ", "The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions which time and mediocrity can resolve. ", "Genius is nothing more than inflamed enthusiasm. ", "And what's romance? Usually, a nice little tale where you have everything As You Like It, where rain never wets your jacket and gnats never bite your nose and it's always daisy-time. ", "Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance. ", "Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: it is the faithless who know love's tragedies. ", "There are two things people want more than sex and money... recognition and praise. ", "Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. ", "Praise out of season, or tactlessly bestowed, can freeze the heart as much as blame. ", "Appreciative words are the most powerful force for good on earth! ", "The only way to escape the personal corruption of praise is to go on working. ", "I've always been a sucker for attention. ", "There is no investment you can make which will pay you so well as the effort to scatter sunshine and good cheer through your establishment. ", "There is no praise to beat the sort you can put in your pocket. ", "You can handle people more successfully by enlisting their feelings than by convincing their reason. ", "I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good. ", "I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism. ", "When life seems just a dreary grind; and things seem fated to annoy; say something nice to someone else and watch the world light up with joy. ", "The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. ", "To me, fair friend, you never can be old. For as you were when first your eye I eyed. Such seemsyour beauty still. ", "When we are born we cry that we are come.. to this great stage of fools. ", "He that is well paid is well satisfied. ", "I care not, a man can die but once; we owe God and death. ", "For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night. ", "Such as we are made of, such we be. ", "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we might win, by fearing to attempt. ", "Nothing can come of nothing. ", "Oh, what a bitter thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes. ", "And oftentimes excusing of a fault doth make the fault the worse by the excuse. ", "Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. ", "Of all base passions, fear is the most accursed. ", "Lord, what fools these mortals be. ", "Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatnessthrust upon them. ", "Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind; the thief doth fear each bush an officer. ", "What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals! ", "Time is the justice that examines all offenders. ", "Present mirth hath present laughter. What's to come is still unsure. ", "Wise men never sit and wail their loss, but cheerily seek how to redress their harms. ", "Love sought is good, but given unsought is better. ", "By medicine life may be prolonged, yet death will seize the doctor too. ", "Striving to better, oft we mar what's well. ", "In delay there lies no plenty. ", "Fear no more the heat o the sun, nor the furious winter's rages. Thou thy worldly task hast done, home art gone and taken thy wages. ", "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. ", "Journeys end in lovers meeting. ", "To be wise and love exceeds man's might. ", "I love acting. It is so much more real than life. ", "The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. ", "No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. ", "All art is quite useless. ", "The well-bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves. ", "Alas, I am dying beyond my means. ", "Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. ", "She is absolutely inadmissible into society. Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit. ", "Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. ", "I can believe anything provided it is incredible. ", "One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead. ", "An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship. ", "I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. ", "Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. ", "The intellect is not a serious thing, and never has been. It is an instrument on which one plays, that is all. ", "A kiss may ruin a human life. ", "The man who says he has exhausted life generally means that life has exhausted him. ", "Yet each man kills the thing he loves from all let this be heard some does it with a bitter look some with a flattering word the coward does it with a kiss the brave man with the sword. ", "If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life. ", "To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune... to lose both seems like carelessness. ", "Never speak disrespectfully of Society. Only people who can't get into it do that. ", "Lots of people act well, but few people talk well. This shows that talking is the more difficult of the two. ", "While one should always study the method of a great artist, one should never imitate his manner. ", "To have the reputation of possessing the most perfect social tact, talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as if he bored you. ", "Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. ", "Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when called upon to act according with the dictates of reason. ", "Vulgarity is simply the conduct of other people. ", "Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attraction of others. ", "Those whom the gods love grow young. " }; public String enlightenMe() { int select = rr.nextInt(Sayings.length); return Sayings[select]; } { rr = new Random(); } }